==>Maybe further and further away is where you should be. He says he feels you slipping away, and the beds warm below with the heat from a desperate moment of passion. He knew why. It’s not him, he’s difficult and selfish and cruel at times but Messiahs know you’d been able to deal with it before, and you would be able to deal with it now except he can’t be your mother, he can’t be your Horuss.
==>While he was off shooting himself up, falling in hate with Cronus, and digging his grave you’d been at work with your own. Climbing that tree, fighting off a demon, alone. Because he expected you to be strong enough to deal with claws and broken bones. How can you trust him, how could you trust each other? He says he wants to be enough but expects the space he’s left to be filled by words. He’s always asking what he needs to do, but he’s perfect to you. He’s just not yours.
I N33D YOU TO BE PATIENT WITH ME. AND I’LL BE PATIENT WITH YOU TOO.
==>Because it’s like he whispers in your dreams, he doesn’t love you. Get it through your head little kitten, he’s scared of being alone. Like a quackbeast imprints on anything in it’s moment of need, you just happened to walk by during his. It could be anyone else here, he doesn’t love you. He’s just afraid of being lonely. But if he’s patient, if you can stay together then maybe you can make his lies a reality. Maybe you can be a good enough troll that he would think of you as important, and you take his hand in yours with a smile.
I SWEAR KURLOZ, YOU ARE ENOUGH. I HAVEN’T B33N SHOWING IT PROPERLY, BUT I SWEAR BEFORE MY DOUBLE DEATH YOU’LL HAVE NO DOUBT THAT I LOVE YOU. THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH. I’LL MAKE UP FOR EVERY FUCK UP AND IF I DON’T THEN YOU N33D TO KNOW IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU’RE ENOUGH, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT WE CAN’T APPRECIATE IT. YOU’RE NOT THE ONE AT FAULT.
==> Be patient. What’s the saying? Love is patient and kind. You’d been trying, you’d been taking every blow. every accusation, and you’d been forgiving her. However, at some point, you became a doormat to never hold her accountable for anything she said or did to consciously hurt you. And now you were seeing it, seeing everything much too late and all at once, and you’ve been wrong. Always the sinner, you’re the one at fault for everything. You could say she’s responsible for the problems a night before, but when it boiled down to it, you could trace every single line and reason back to you as the main dilemma. The fact of the matter is you’re a monster, and she’s your victim. So be patient with her. Don’t expect it in return. If you obtain it, then that’s a privilege, and you can appreciate it as such. You shouldn’t expect anything of her; she’s done enough. More than anyone else has ever done for you. You need to suck it up, value what it is you’re given, and find a way to deal with every insecurity you have that doesn’t involve guilting her. What an ugly little habit.
[ It’s fine, I can be accepting my mother fucking responsibility. Sins of the past are getting their rightful karma on a motherfucker at present, and shit’s church as it fuckin’ should be. Thou shalt not have to be putting forth any extra mother fucking effort; I know I have the best of anyone in the afterlife when I’ve got thee. I don’t want anyone else. No one would even remotely tolerate that absolute motherfuckery a motherfucker finds himself in. ]
==> It’s true; you’re grateful. Anyone else would have cast you aside immediately and deemed you a failure. That’s why Aranea left, that’s why Sodapop rejected you, that’s why Mituna’s gone away, and that’s why Kari hadn’t cared about you. It’s why Gamzee beat you, defiled you, and taught you lessons through brutality and a language only those of your kind could fully understand. It’s why you failed Meulin when Horuss passed, why you’re still lying to her about his fate, and why the Lord continued to punish you. You have to value what you have and no longer want for anything more. This is what your afterlife is, and sense has to be made of it.
[ I love thee, more than I ever mother fuckin’ planned to be feeling for any motherfucker under the Beforan moon. Tis not because what thou doth do for me but for who thou art. Could be miserable, drunk, angry, vicious, and self deprecating, and I’d be loving thee even if I get the mother fuck hurt. Being angered with one another at times… I believe that’s normal. I do not love thee less when hurt; I hurt because I love thee so. I know not how to be about dealin’ with emotions, thou doth know it, but I’m trying to mother fucking learn. I’ll be better about it, swear it. ]